3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize