Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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