we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize