found the other keg... it's in the tree
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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