I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
