i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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