Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
