so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
