i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
two words: eviction party
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
