She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
