dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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