i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
