True but thats because hes a fetus.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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