At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
