and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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