How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
