How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize