I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
