pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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