So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
