I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize