Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize