Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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