lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
