I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
