You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
