Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
