White coat. Heels.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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