I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize