I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
