oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
