i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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