so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
