just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize