why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
