How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
