I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
