Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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