Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
