thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
