Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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