Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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