My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and she was petting her beer can
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
