he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
