Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
