so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
