i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
