For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
