i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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