please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize