dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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