Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
