how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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