went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
