Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
