i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
