i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
