So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
