Christians are straight up FREAKS
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
