I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
