I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize