I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
