I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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