Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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