so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
