So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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