It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
