so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
