after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize