I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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