He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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