Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
