oh god the rape fog is back!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
