Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
