my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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