just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
stop calling my apartment porn island.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
