Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
