tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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