dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
