got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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