Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
