Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
