Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
