my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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