Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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