Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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