There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
