I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This baby is an asshole
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
