We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
