Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
