I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
