You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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