Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize