Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
