why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
