I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
