Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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