Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
