I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
