theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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