dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
