Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
