i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
